


thank you

by my_old_username_was_cringey



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Depression, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff, Grief, High School, M/M, Running Away, Self-Hatred, Teenlock, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21716959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_old_username_was_cringey/pseuds/my_old_username_was_cringey
Summary: Happiness suits you, you know?
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short one to test the waters but the rest will be longer. I take recommendations if you have any ideas.

September 14th

(6:37)

‘’I need help, can you come? Don’t tell mum. SH’’ At the sight of the text, Mycroft grew anxious. His brother never asked for help, ever  
‘’call me. now. MH’’ A few seconds later his phone rang, he took a moment to collect himself and let out a deep sigh. ‘’Where do I pick you up? Did you make a list?’’ the line stayed silent, he insisted ‘’Christ Sherlock, answer me. Are you at least okay?’’ Mycroft shrugged, closing his eyes waiting for the response, he really hated how he cared about Sherlock.‘’Yeah, I’m fine, I didn’t take a lot. You can find me in that abandoned building near the church.’’ The line immediately went dead and Mycroft jumped in his car, speeding through the streets of London, wanting to get to his brother as fast as possible. Sherlock never asked for help.

(7:51)

‘’I could have already walked home, what’s taking you so long? SH’’. Twenty more minutes passed without a reply ’’you’ve decided to ignore me, is that it? very mature. SH’’. Sherlock sat down against a wall blowing in his hands, the air was cold for September. He felt his phone vibrating ‘’incoming call: mum’’ he rolled his eyes, did his arsehole of a brother really rat him out?. ‘’Mycroft I swear you’re the worst. SH’’. his mum rang another time so he answered, not wanting to even a bit, he wasn’t ready for a colossal scolding, not here, not now.

She was talking fast and unintelligibly, he couldn’t make up her words, only understand bits and pieces ‘’crash and’’, ‘’to hospital’’, ‘’flatline’’, ‘’no brain activity’’, ’’Mycroft’’, ‘’hurt, where are’’. He didn’t need more to figure out what was going on.

The blood pounded in his ears. His heart thudded in his chest. His hands shook. His feet tingled. His vision disfigured as if he were looking through a fish-eye lens. He had to get away. He couldn’t think about it. He clutched the cellphone, his hands wrapped so tightly around it that his nails dug into his palms. Breathing was hard. Really hard. As if he'd just run the London Marathon. He cried harder, his chest growing tight as bile rose in his throat. His brother was dead, his brother was dead and it was his fault


	2. Chapter 2

October 23rd

(7:00)  
Sherlock’s alarm clock rang. He wasn’t ready to wake up. He wasn’t ready to go back to school, deep down he knew he would never be. Still, he got up, he’d do anything to take even a little weight off his parents’ shoulders, they had suffered enough.

(7:09)  
He brushed his teeth despite the fact he hadn’t eaten anything in days. The boy sighed at the sight of his left arm, cigarette burns everywhere, some were white and faded, others were still deep and red. Mycroft would’ve be been disappointed. Sherlock wished he could be stronger but it was his way of feeling normal, not numb, not overly psychotic. There were needle marks too but they were harder to see. Sherlock tried giving up drugs after mycrofts death, he stayed clean for three days before relapsing.

(7:34)  
The bus was late, as ever.

(7:56)  
The first class of the day was physics. he usually skipped it on account of finding it so pointlessly dull and way below what could be considered worth his time. but on this particular day, he went anyway. Sherlock realized rather quickly it was a bad idea when he saw Jim, Anderson and Sally waiting at the door, the last two vulgarly touching each other ‘’oh look! the freak’s back’’ shouted one of them. The boy ignored them and got into the classroom, eyes down. he wasn’t ready for a beating, he decided to stay calm not to give them any reasons to react violently.

he sat at the back of the class. he could feel the people staring. Roughly five minutes later the teacher arrived in class, his eyes immediately darted up to sherlock   
‘’nice of you to join us mr. holmes, mind telling me why you haven't been in this class for more than a month? are we not superior enough for you?’’ the teacher snapped. sherlock was baffled, didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t risk talking about Mycroft, he’d break down in front of everyone and that wouldn’t exactly be good for him considering his bullies were watching him. Anderson started ’’oh, haven't you heard? his fag of a brother died, that’s one less Holmes in this town, a relief if you ask me. he really was no good anyway, he won’t be missed, the poor boy was only loved by his mother’’ sherlock fought back tears but let a faint sob out ‘’apparently by his freak of a brother to’’ he continued with a smirk on his lips.

sherlock promptly got up and ran out of the classroom. he understood why they wouldn’t respect him but dear god, Mycroft died and they joked around about it.  
being beat up probably would’ve been the least painful option after all.

sherlock desperately needed a hit, the last one dated of the previous evening. 

the day before

Mycroft was being chocked against a wall, he threw his hands in every direction trying to free himself, he slowly could feel himself drifting away. ‘’oh no, not so fast, come back to me’’ whispered the attacker in his ear, relieving a bit of pressure from his neck ‘’please’’ mycroft pleaded, his voice breaking towards the end of the word. the other man pulled out a dagger from the waistline of his pants, he pressed it down to mycrofts neck, just enough to draw blood, gliding the blade to near his collarbone and suddenly thrust it in. a loud yelp, followed by a grunt could be heard. the attacker took the knife out and plunged it back between mycrofts ribs. ‘’ why are you doing this to me brother mine?’’ he uttered in a weak voice.

sherlock looked down at his hands to see the bloody weapon, he dropped it in shock and tried to attend to his wounded brother ‘’ im so sorry mycroft. i-i didn’t know i-’’ he half cried not knowing what to do. 

Sherlock woke up terrified and quickly sat up in his bed, struggling to catch his breath. he put his head in his hands and tried to calm down.   
he suddenly feel nausea wash over him so he ran to the bathroom, locking himself in. he could feel his mouth water and the tension in his jaw, it wasnt long before he bent in who and barfed his stomach empty.

tears were streaming down his cheeks, he was unaware however if it was out of emotion or simply because he had been sick. perhaps a bit of both. the boy rinsed his mouth out and felt the underside of the sink, his hands searched for that little bag of cocaine he taped. when his fingers encountered the plastic, he immediately pulled it out. 

sherlock emptied about an eight of its content on the cold ivory counter and then opened the cabinet to fetch a razorblade. he had already tried cutting himself before but he never found the pain to help enough so now he just used them to take drugs, which wasn’t entirely better to be honest. he arranged the powder so it formed 2 lines, one clearly shorter than the other. sherlock took a 10£ note and rolled it up tight. he placed himself so he could snort it a line, and he did. he did it again until there was no cocaine left on the counter. Sherlock wanted to take another dose but then realized it best to keep some, he closed it tight being cautious not to spill any of this precious powder and tucked it in the smallest pocket of his backpack.

the present day

he could feel himself getting hot. sherlock entered the bathroom, his hands were clenched, the nails most definitely drawing blood. it felt good, pain was the only aspect that reminded him he was not actually in a dream. he, as quickly as he could, opened his backpack and searched for his tiny bag of magic. his movement were so frantic, so much so that he spilled the contents of the bag in the sink when he tried to open in. 

sherlock let out a sob. nonononononono not here, not now, he thought to himself. he grew angrier and more stressed, he stared at the ceramic wall beside him attempting to calm himself down before giving it a swing anyway. he punched it with all his might. a loud crack was heard followed by a sharp and deep inhale and a whimper. he was shaking and his muscles were tense. he hit the wall again. and again, jaw clenched making sure not to let out too much noise. he kept at it until he heard 

‘’oi! stop it now’’ sherlock was shocked to hear another man’s voice when he thought himself alone.’’ you’re gonna hurt yourself, stop it’’ sherlock didn’t know how to answer so he didn’t, instead he just leaned down on the skink in front of him and looked in the mirror to see his interlocutor. 

he seemed kind, his eyes concerned.  
’’ what’s the matter? ’’ he asked quietly as if to be sure not to upset sherlock ‘’if you don’t get it off your chest, you’ll never be able to breathe’’ he continued, stepping closer and putting a hand on the vulnerable boy’s shoulder. he turned around and violently struck him to the shoulder ‘’ go away’’ sherlock asked, his eyes watering ‘’ go. away. ’’ he commanded

‘’no’’

the other boy rubbed his shoulder and looked him dead in the eye ‘’ no, i won’t leave you alone, you’re not in a good mindset, i wouldn’t risk you hurting yourself again’’ he said in an affirming manner. 

‘’ what are you talking about, im not hurt’’ sherlock blurted out, trying to convince him. he opened and closed his hand in a fast manner, wiping a stray tear with the other.

sherlock felt vulnerable, so he did what he knew how to do and threw a punch at the man. “dont touch me’’ he uttered through gritted teeth

sherlock got pulled into a hug which just made him aware of how much he felt naked and weak, a total stranger holding him in a school bathroom  
the other boy could feel his uneasiness and started ‘’ you can call me john’’ sherlock didn’t answer ‘’ do you want to tell me what’s wrong?’’

He looked at Sherlock, his nose was red and the skin around his eyes was pink, blotchy. Sherlock glanced at him, feeling the stare. 

John noticed how his eyes were greener when he cried. Most people would look at him and see a boy who’s upset over something but to him he’s no ordinary guy. He’s the most beautiful, most lonely, most broken boy he ever met.

the fact that john seemingly cared about him calmed him down a bit. the feeling of john's arms around him was soothing yet unsettling, why was he even doing this?  
‘’you can close your eyes if you want, sometimes things are less scary like that’’ 

john’s words sounded true, like they came from a place of pain. sherlock wondered if there ever had been a major tragedy in his life. without quite realizing he did, sherlock put his arms around john too. ‘’ just focus on my heartbeat, do you hear it? everything will be fine in the end, i swear’’ the blonde lost whispers in his ear, sherlock was now taking deep breaths and he looked better. when he was satisfied of sherlock's state, he let him go of his embrace. ‘’i better get back to class’’ sighs sherlock.

‘’what do you say we skip the rest of the day and go out? ‘’ john smiled  
he nodded


	3. Chapter 3

‘’my locker is over there’’ started john pointing to the end of the hall. sherlock didn’t bother to look, he already knew — john hamish watson, locker c-86. with no apparent response from sherlock john carried on ‘’ meet me out front in five?’’ sherlock looked up, the sun was shining brightly through the windows, he squinted a bit to get used to the sudden increase in light. the boys locked eyes and exchanged a faint smile before each going their separate ways

john couldn’t help but notice how peculiar sherlock smile looked. his lips were full and perfectly symmetrical but his cupid's bow was very pronounced, like nothing he had ever seen before. the smile in itself was the cutest thing, it almost looked like a smirk, one side raised slightly more than the other. john told himself that if sherlock were a girl he’d probably, find him very attractive, he rapidly chased that tought away.  
the blonde was making his way down the hall when he heard footsteps behind him, he turned around ’’sherlo-‘’ he stopped realizing that the person was not sherlock but rather his english teacher. ‘’ hall pass?’’ she asked

…

sherlock was leaning against a tree, waiting, wondering about whether he should just go home instead because john seemingly forgot about him or stood him up. after ten more minutes, he decided to go.  
‘’lock!’’ he heard a wheezy voice shout. sherlock turned around to see his new acquaintance, john. he was out of breath and his bag was not entirely closed and slipped from his shoulders. sherlock let out a little ‘oh’

‘’ im so sorry ‘’ he took a deep breath ‘’ i hope you dint think…umm..a teacher caught me and had to report me. anyway, a promise is a promise, where do you want to go?’’ the first thing that came in sherlocks mind was that the grim reaper exposition street was oped but he didn’t want john to think he was deranged so instead he just blurted ‘’whatever, do you have somewhere in mind?’’ john’s eyes lit up ‘’well i was hoping we could go to st-james parc, its beautiful out there and its just the right weather for a picnic, dont you think?’’  
sherlock eyes widened, he didnt think, not in a million years, that john ‘captain of the rugby team’ watson would invite him to a picnic in the parc.

they quickly went to the store and bought 12£ worth of bread, cheese and fruit 

once at the parc they noticed that all the tables were either already occupied or covered in birds’ fecal matter so the settled on the ground, the grass was a little dry and it itched through their trousers but once they got used to it, it was comfortable enough  
sherlock usually had difficulty handling social situations but with john, he felt comfortable, they talked, for hours, without the conversation ever becoming dull or awkward. they even exchanged numbers,, which was a first for him, john shoed him how to add new contacts.

“It’s getting hot, don’t you think? Maybe we should find some big tree to hide under” Laughed John. sherlock smiled ‘’ I’ve got an even better idea, follow me.’’  
they walked for 10 minutes before stopping ‘’ that’s a Ferris wheel, Sherlock’’ declared john  
‘’ yes, but it’s got a/c in the cabins, what do you say watson? thirty minutes of fresh air, with a beautiful view, for free’’  
‘’ i’ve got to say that’s tempting but you know it actually isn’t free?’’ sherlock took his hand and led him through the queue and behind the checkout booth. ‘’ its free with me’’ 

with these words, sherlock let john hand go and starts talking to a sketchy looking dude. not five minutes later, they were in a booth, free of charge. john tugged at sherlocks sleeve with a face of pure confusion ‘’ lets just say i know some people who owe me favors’’ answered the dark-haired man.

‘’its probably not a good time to say this now but heights actually terrify me’’ john muttered looking at the 130 meters of air under his feet. the wheel then stopped because they reached the top, john jumped and cringed onto the other man's arm. sherlock looked a him. how could a man so brave and so strong look so… he count find the word, fragile? vulnerable? beautiful?  
the wind made the booth wobble a bit, johns grip tightened and his breathing quickened, his eyes shut tight

john was surprised to feel a hand on his jaw, sherlocks hand, the hand turned john face to face sherlock’s. ‘’look in my eyes john, if you look me in the eyes, your heartbeat will synchronize with mine and you’ll feel less anxious. john i promise you you’re not going to fall.’’ the man did exactly as he was told, he wasn’t sure about the whole heartbeat thing but looking in sherlock’s eyes sure calmed him, he got lost in his eyes and forgot the concept of fear itself, his eyes seemed so ethereal and peaceful.

john didn’t let go of sherlocks coat for the rest of the ride.  
‘’ its getting late’’ remarried sherlock, the sun had set while they were on the wheel. he nodded.  
‘’tomorrow?’’  
‘’tomorrow.’’


End file.
